There is a lot of injustice in our world. In fact, that's why I haven't written on The Futon in a while, I've been off fighting injustice. Doing my part to free people literally trapped in slavery working for less than a dollar a day. It was a tough dilemma for me, because here I am, like super-hero to the masses you know, and I feel like I should just fly on over, kick some bad dude butt, rescue little kids, kick some more bad dude butt, maybe put in a clean water well or two, and then zoom back before dinner. But my cape got "lost" at the dry cleaners, and I simply refuse to fly without it.

Then I heard about Trade as One. They are doing all that rad life saving stuff without a cape. All by focusing their efforts into buying Fair Trade goods. Brilliant idea, I love it. Head on over there, check it out. Do your part.

There is just one thing... Trade as One? What kinda name is that? I mean, why not Trade as Twenty Nine, or Trade as One Hundred Forty Two. Everyone knows the bigger the number the better. I don't know how that one got past marketing.

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I've always wanted to be a member of a climbing party. You know, a group of folks who climb up some big ol hill where it's real cold and windy, but still extremely hot because you're so close to the motherfuton sun and you eat dehydrated food and are always nauseous because of altitude sickness and you're always like rubbing your feet and they're kinda smelly, oh and then when you get to the top you hug these strangers because you've accomplished a lifelong dream of reaching the summit of said hill. I just think the camaraderie would be pretty sweet.

It would also be pretty awesome when you were just about to reach the summit, when all of the sudden, your new comrade has fallen (and seemingly can't get up) but everyone just decides to leave him there to die. Screw camaraderie now, last one to the top has to smell my socks.

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I think an under-used phrase is, "I hate your guts". That phrase used to be the rage in 4th and 5th grade. I can't remember a day going by without using it on my sister. These days, I guess the whole "negative connotation" part of it brings people down and has likely contributed to it's limited usage.

Silly people.

When I tell you that I hate your guts, it means just that. I hate your guts, but everything else about you that is not your guts, is totally bitchin.

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In order to be a winner, you have to think like a winner. I can think of no better place to start than by legally changing your name to Winner. This projects to others that you are in fact, a winner. I began this process myself, changing my name to Winner, Winner Peterson.

At the Official Name Changing Application Office, ONCAO, I filled out my application and turned it in to the lovely ONCAO receptionist. She reviewed it for completion, reading aloud as she went along. Age, 31. Residence, California. New name, Weiner Peterson.

Ouch.

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